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5 Ways Women Try To Impress Men (And Why They Don't Work)(10/14)

Perfume. No man I know minds when a woman smells like nothing�a simple stick of deodorant accomplishes this. Women who slather on the perfume end up smelling like the front counter of Macy's, and it's a bit of a turn-off. A spray or two there might be nice for a special occasion, but I can't think of a situation where I'd ever think, Man, she's nice, but I'd like her better if she smelled like someone was pouring a stream of animal urine that vaguely smelled like flowers onto her head.
Tanning. Tanned skin wasn't seen as a necessary beauty treatment in American society until the last 20 years or so, with the exception of the taxidermy community. Now, it's reached a fairly feverish pitch. Tanning salons are all over the place, waiting to help you turn your skin into a sort of orange, glowing monstrosity that looks like it was sprayed out of a can (and in some cases, it actually is). There are men out there who are impressed by a good tan, but they're what the scientific community calls "pig-ignorant slimeballs."
Name Brands. You shouldn't wear name brand clothes that cost more than they need to just because you want to impress men. If you're trying to impress women, this sometimes works, but name brand items don't do much for any man other than Ralph Lauren. And just to prove that men don't know anything about brands, I just referenced Ralph Lauren. I have no idea if he makes good clothes. Probably not. But he's the only designer I could name.
Makeup. Makeup doesn't do a lot for guys. In small doses it's alright, but if I want to get eyeshadow all over my clothes, I'll go see the Cure in concert.
Cosmetic Surgery. It almost sounds trite to say that cosmetic surgery is ugly and disgusting. Everyone claims to hate it; yet, it's still a thriving industry. The thing is, though, the cosmetic surgery industry caters to a specific kind of person -- the type of person who wants to look fantastic at all costs. The industry isn't set up for making people beautiful. It's set up to make people think they look beautiful. And if the results were fantastic, well, then all's fair in love and war. Ultimately, breast augmentation, fat reduction, Botox treatments ... all of this looks terrible to men, women, small children and animals. Plastic surgery may eventually provide a way for people to cheat themselves into looking younger, but right now it's more lip service than anything else, pardon the pun.

May

Fog/Mist
48.0°/8.9°

Traffic

Radar

Forecast

		I-90/I-94 DAN RYAN EXWY INBOUND Jam Factor 8 - Incidents 1 (Moderate) I-90/I-94 Dan Ryan Exwy INBOUND from I-55 Stevenson Exwy to I-290 Eisenhower Exwy

		I-94 EDENS EXWY OUTBOUND Jam Factor 8 - Incidents 0 () I-94 Edens Exwy OUTBOUND from I-90 Kennedy Exwy to IL-58/Dempster St (#37)

		I-90/I-94 KENNEDY EXWY OUTBOUND Jam Factor 8 - Incidents 0 () I-90/I-94 Kennedy Exwy OUTBOUND from I-290 Eisenhower Exwy to I-94 Edens Exwy

		I-90/I-94 KENNEDY EXWY OUTBOUND Jam Factor 8 - Incidents 0 () I-90/I-94 Kennedy Exwy OUTBOUND from I-290 Eisenhower Exwy to I-294 Tri-State Tollway

		I-90/I-94 KENNEDY EXWY INBOUND Jam Factor 8 - Incidents 0 () I-90/I-94 Kennedy Exwy INBOUND from I-94 Edens Exwy to I-290 Eisenhower Exwy

		I-90/I-94 KENNEDY EXPRESS LANES INBOUND Jam Factor 8 - Incidents 0 () I-90/I-94 Kennedy Express Lanes Inbound from I-94 Edens Exwy to Ohio St/Ontario St Feeder

		I-290 EISENHOWER EXWY INBOUND Jam Factor 8 - Incidents 0 () I-290 Eisenhower Exwy INBOUND from Wolf Rd (#16) to I-90/I-94 Kennedy Exwy/Dan Ryan Exwy

		I-90/I-94 DAN RYAN EXWY INBOUND Jam Factor 7 - Incidents 2 (Moderate) I-90/I-94 Dan Ryan Exwy INBOUND from I-57/Bishop Ford Frwy to I-290 Eisenhower Exwy

		I-90/I-94 DAN RYAN EXWY INBOUND Jam Factor 7 - Incidents 1 (Moderate) I-90/I-94 Dan Ryan Exwy INBOUND from I-57/Bishop Ford Frwy to I-90 Chicago Skyway

		I-355 NORTH-SOUTH TOLLWAY NORTHBOUND Jam Factor 7 - Incidents 1 (Moderate) I-355 North-South Tollway NORTHBOUND from Exit to I-88 Reagan Tollway (Southwestside) to I-290 Eisenhower Exwy

		I-94 EDENS EXWY OUTBOUND Jam Factor 7 - Incidents 0 () I-94 Edens Exwy OUTBOUND from I-90 Kennedy Exwy to I-94/I-294 Tri-State Tollway

		I-94 EDENS EXWY INBOUND Jam Factor 7 - Incidents 0 () I-94 Edens Exwy INBOUND from IL-58/Dempster St (#37) to I-90 Kennedy Exwy

		I-90/I-94 KENNEDY EXWY OUTBOUND Jam Factor 7 - Incidents 0 () I-90/I-94 Kennedy Exwy OUTBOUND from I-94 Edens Exwy to I-294 Tri-State Tollway

		I-90/I-94 KENNEDY EXWY INBOUND Jam Factor 7 - Incidents 0 () I-90/I-94 Kennedy Exwy INBOUND from I-294 Tri-State Tollway to I-290 Eisenhower Exwy

		I-90/I-94 KENNEDY EXPRESS LANES OUTBOUND Jam Factor 7 - Incidents 0 () I-90/I-94 Kennedy Express Lanes Outbound from Ohio St/Ontario St Feeder to I-94 Edens Exwy

		I-55 STEVENSON EXWY INBOUND Jam Factor 7 - Incidents 0 () I-55 Stevenson Exwy INBOUND from I-355 North-South Tollway to I-294 Tri-State Tollway

		I-55 STEVENSON EXWY INBOUND Jam Factor 7 - Incidents 0 () I-55 Stevenson Exwy INBOUND from I-294 Tri-State Tollway to US-41 Lake Shore Dr

		I-290 EISENHOWER EXWY INBOUND Jam Factor 7 - Incidents 0 () I-290 Eisenhower Exwy INBOUND from IL-53 to Congress Pkwy

		LAKE SHORE DRIVE SOUTHBOUND Jam Factor 6 - Incidents 0 () Lake Shore Drive SOUTHBOUND from Bryn Mawr Av to Balbo Dr

		I-94/I-294 TRI-STATE TOLLWAY NORTHBOUND Jam Factor 6 - Incidents 0 () I-94/I-294 Tri-State Tollway NORTHBOUND from I-55 Stevenson Exwy to I-90 Jane Addams Tollway

		I-90/I-94 KENNEDY EXWY INBOUND Jam Factor 6 - Incidents 0 () I-90/I-94 Kennedy Exwy INBOUND from I-294 Tri-State Tollway to I-94 Edens Exwy

		I-55 STEVENSON EXWY INBOUND Jam Factor 6 - Incidents 0 () I-55 Stevenson Exwy INBOUND from I-80 (#250) to US-41 Lake Shore Dr

		I-355 NORTH-SOUTH TOLLWAY NORTHBOUND Jam Factor 5 - Incidents 2 (Moderate) I-355 North-South Tollway NORTHBOUND from I-80 to I-290 Eisenhower Exwy

		LAKE SHORE DRIVE SOUTHBOUND Jam Factor 5 - Incidents 0 () Lake Shore Drive SOUTHBOUND from Bryn Mawr Av to Hayes Dr

		I-94 INBOUND Jam Factor 5 - Incidents 0 () I-94 INBOUND from I-94 Bishop Ford Frwy/Kingery Exwy to I-290 Eisenhower Exwy

		I-94 EDENS EXWY OUTBOUND Jam Factor 5 - Incidents 0 () I-94 Edens Exwy OUTBOUND from IL-58/Dempster St (#37) to I-94 Edens Exwy

		I-94 EDENS EXWY INBOUND Jam Factor 5 - Incidents 0 () I-94 Edens Exwy INBOUND from I-94/I-294 Tri-State Tollway to I-90 Kennedy Exwy

		I-94 BISHOP FORD FRWY INBOUND Jam Factor 5 - Incidents 0 () I-94 Bishop Ford Frwy INBOUND from I-80/I-294/IL-394 Kingery Exwy/Tri-State Tollway to I-57/Dan Ryan Exwy

		I-94/I-294 TRI-STATE TOLLWAY NORTHBOUND Jam Factor 4 - Incidents 0 () I-94/I-294 Tri-State Tollway NORTHBOUND from I-80 to I-55 Stevenson Exwy

		I-90/I-94 DAN RYAN EXWY INBOUND Jam Factor 4 - Incidents 0 () I-90/I-94 Dan Ryan Exwy INBOUND from Local/Express Split-Merge (South) to Local/Express Split-Merge (North)

		I-290 EISENHOWER EXWY OUTBOUND Jam Factor 4 - Incidents 0 () I-290 Eisenhower Exwy OUTBOUND from I-90/I-94 Kennedy Exwy/Dan Ryan Exwy to Wolf Rd (#16)

		I-94/I-294 TRI-STATE TOLLWAY NORTHBOUND Jam Factor 3 - Incidents 2 (Moderate) I-94/I-294 Tri-State Tollway NORTHBOUND from I-94 Bishop Ford Frwy/Kingery Exwy to Wisconsin State Line

		I-355 NORTH-SOUTH TOLLWAY NORTHBOUND Jam Factor 3 - Incidents 1 (Moderate) I-355 North-South Tollway NORTHBOUND from I-55 Stevenson Exwy to Exit to I-88 Reagan Tollway (Southwestside)

		LAKE SHORE DRIVE NORTHBOUND Jam Factor 3 - Incidents 0 () Lake Shore Drive NORTHBOUND from Hayes Dr to Balbo Dr

		I-90/I-94 DAN RYAN EXWY OUTBOUND Jam Factor 3 - Incidents 0 () I-90/I-94 Dan Ryan Exwy OUTBOUND from Local/Express Split-Merge (North) to Local/Express Split-Merge (South)

		I-88 REAGAN TOLLWY EASTBOUND Jam Factor 3 - Incidents 0 () I-88 Reagan Tollwy EASTBOUND from I-355 North-South Tollway to I-290 Eisenhower Exwy

		I-55 STEVENSON EXWY OUTBOUND Jam Factor 3 - Incidents 0 () I-55 Stevenson Exwy OUTBOUND from I-294 Tri-State Tollway to I-355 North-South Tollway

		I-290 EISENHOWER EXWY OUTBOUND Jam Factor 3 - Incidents 0 () I-290 Eisenhower Exwy OUTBOUND from Wolf Rd (#16) to I-355 North-South Tollway (#7)

		I-290 EISENHOWER EXWY OUTBOUND Jam Factor 3 - Incidents 0 () I-290 Eisenhower Exwy OUTBOUND from Congress Pkwy to IL-53

		LAKE SHORE DRIVE NORTHBOUND Jam Factor 2 - Incidents 0 () Lake Shore Drive NORTHBOUND from Hayes Dr to Bryn Mawr Av

		I-90 JANE ADDAMS TOLLWAY OUTBOUND Jam Factor 2 - Incidents 0 () I-90 Jane Addams Tollway OUTBOUND from IL-31 to Mchenry/Boone County Line

		I-88 REAGAN TOLLWY EASTBOUND Jam Factor 2 - Incidents 0 () I-88 Reagan Tollwy EASTBOUND from Aurora Toll Plaza to I-290 Eisenhower Exwy

		I-80 WESTBOUND Jam Factor 2 - Incidents 0 () I-80 WESTBOUND from I-294 Tri-State Tollway (#155) to US-45 La Grange Rd (#145)

		I-80 EASTBOUND Jam Factor 2 - Incidents 0 () I-80 EASTBOUND from US-45 La Grange Rd (#145) to I-294 Tri-State Tollway (#155)

		I-55 STEVENSON EXWY OUTBOUND Jam Factor 2 - Incidents 0 () I-55 Stevenson Exwy OUTBOUND from US-41 Lake Shore Dr to I-294 Tri-State Tollway

		I-290 EISENHOWER EXWY OUTBOUND Jam Factor 2 - Incidents 0 () I-290 Eisenhower Exwy OUTBOUND from I-355 North-South Tollway (#7) to IL-53

		I-90/I-94 DAN RYAN EXWY OUTBOUND Jam Factor 1 - Incidents 1 (Moderate) I-90/I-94 Dan Ryan Exwy OUTBOUND from I-90 Chicago Skyway to I-57/Bishop Ford Frwy

		I-90/I-94 DAN RYAN EXWY OUTBOUND Jam Factor 1 - Incidents 1 (Moderate) I-90/I-94 Dan Ryan Exwy OUTBOUND from I-290 Eisenhower Exwy to I-57/Bishop Ford Frwy

		LAKE SHORE DRIVE NORTHBOUND Jam Factor 1 - Incidents 0 () Lake Shore Drive NORTHBOUND from Balbo Dr to Bryn Mawr Av

		IL-53 SOUTHBOUND Jam Factor 1 - Incidents 0 () IL-53 SOUTHBOUND from Lake-Cook Rd to I-290 Eisenhower Exwy

Today	Hi: 52 Lo: 52	Showers Likely
Friday	Hi: 57 Lo: 49	Showers Likely
Saturday	Hi: 58 Lo: 47	Breezy
Sunday	Hi: 58 Lo: 50	Sunny
Monday	Hi: 64 Lo: 52	Partly Cloudy