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Morning Show Archives:

Here are seven New Year's resolutions that everyone breaks from Guyism. (1/4)
  1. To lose weight: There's a good chance you've made this resolution at least once in the past and then broke it. So the real question is: What changed that makes you think the outcome will be any different this time around?
  2. To follow your dreams: Are you really going to quit your job in this economy to train for the Iron Man Competition, or to move to Hollywood to become a star? Really?
  3. To spend more time with the family: There's a good chance that when you made this resolution, you were a little buzzed. But in the harsh light of day, your family is just as needy and annoying this year as they were last year.
  4. To stop drinking so much: My only question is: Why should you?
  5. To learn something new: I hate to tell you, but this isn't the year you finally learn to speak Portuguese, or to ride a unicycle. It just isn't. Stop fooling yourself.
  6. To relax more: The only way you're going to keep this resolution is if you just got laid off last month. In that case...kick back, buddy.
  7. To be a better person: Someone you know makes this resolution every year. But what does it even mean? You're going to give more to charity? Please...you'll have forgotten the whole thing well before President's Day.

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