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I Wish I Could Un-Say...

Posted: 2013-04-22 09:39 AM
After years apart, I got back together with my ex-boyfriend and I impulsively said, "Was it always that small?"

In an argument with my boss I yelled back at him, "You're not my father you can't tell me what to do!"

I asked, "How many volts are in a 9volt battery?"

At a wedding, I asked another guest to take a photo of us. When she couldn't work the camera I said coyly, "Oh it's okay, you're pregnant, take your time." She responded, "My son is 5 months old!" dropped the camera and walked away.

In public, I said "My areolas are as big as 50 cent coins!"
In a conversation about Halloween candy, I mixed up Reese's Peanut Butter Cup with Reese's Pieces, and it came "Reese's Penis Butter"

My boyfriend took me out to a very nice dinner for my birthday. Halfway through the meal, I called him by my ex's name! He didn't say a word the rest of the night.

When my wife asked if she had cankles...I said, "No babe you just have big legs."

My mom complained that my dog had scratched her. I said, "It's not the dog's fault you have old skin!"

In a meeting with my new bosses I said, "Well, I'll try not to let anyone's balls drop." I wish I could take that one back!

Got a bit drunk this past Saturday and told my brother in law that he is "finer than baby hair".

My boss, a large man, was complaining about something and I called him "a big, fat baby!" It just slipped out of my mouth.

My husband and I were in Macy's arguing over a tie I wanted him to get for a wedding (he is camouflage kind of guy) and I screamed, "Can you just NOT be white trash for ONE day!"

A coworker brought in a painting she did of a woman and everyone was admiring it. I asked, "Is it someone you know?" she replied, "It is a self-portrait." Oops!

My best friend's 12 year old son is in that awkward/ugly phase. To boost his confidence, I said "You remind me of that cute little boy in the movie The Dark Crystal, he said, "There were no human children in The Dark Crystal!"




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