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Did I Ever Tell You About the Time...?

Posted: 2013-06-06 09:35 AM
Did I ever tell you about the time I got so drunk in Rome that I threw up on the Vatican Wall?

When my one and two year olds got out of the house before I woke up and were playing naked in the neighbor's yard and the Barrington police ended up waking me up?

Did I ever tell you about the time I slept on the bathroom floor because I locked myself in there in the middle of the night and nobody could hear me screaming for help?

Did I ever tell you about the time...I discovered my daughter's Brownie leader was my cousin? We'd been estranged for over 30 years until fate brought us together.

Did I ever tell you about the time I peed my pants in Home Depot and had to have my mother wheel me out in a shopping cart telling people I had a sprained ankle. I was 20.

Did I ever tell you about the splinter that I got on my inner butt cheek? It was there for almost a year before I had to have it surgically removed.

That one time my 2 year old son screamed "boobies!!!!" In a crowded restaurant.

The time when my husband tried to be romantic and light the fireplace. He ended up burning his eyebrows off and half of his head hair.

Did I ever tell you about the time I found out my swimsuit was see through while getting out of the pool in Vegas?

Did I ever tell you about the time I dropped our newborn infants? I have narcolepsy.

I was taking my 4 month old to the doctor with her four siblings and we got in the car and drove off leaving her in her car carrier in the front lawn. We were gone 3 minutes when my 5 year old told me she wasn't with us.

Did I ever tell you about the time I left my thong at my one night stand's apartment? Then, I received a text the following week with a picture of one of his friend's wearing it.

Did I ever tell you about the time I woke up in a dumpster?
Hey did I ever tell you about the time I shocked myself with a dog collar?!

Did I ever tell you about the time my arm got sucked into a zebras mouth?




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