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If I Could Go Back and Do It Differently...

Posted: 2013-07-08 09:32 AM
I would NOT major in Scandinavian Studies...

All my childhood haircuts!

I would NOT have pierced my hooha!

That "one last shot" of tequila on the 4th of July.

I would not have plucked my eyebrows pencil thin in 6th grade... they never grew back.

I would have been sluttier in college.

I would not have told my previous boss to "get her head out of her ass!"

I wouldn't follow my neighbor's dog into the basement to find my best friend's mom naked.

I wish I didn't wear this pair of underwear today, not really working out for me.

I wouldn't have tattooed my face. People stare at me and think I'm a criminal.

Looked at the expiration date of that bottled Frappuccino before drinking it. It was 7 months past expiration.

I would have totally put on sun screen yesterday. My face looks like a tomato.

I would not have eaten leftover Chipotle for breakfast this morning.

In first grade I peed my pants at school, but no one saw. Instead of acting like nothing happened I told my teacher it was melted snow from someone's boots and two of my friends helped me wipe it up with paper towel. One friend said it smelled like graham crackers...If I could do it differently I would not have let my friends clean my pee with their hands.

During an argument I wouldn't have called my wife my ex's name. Now anytime we argue she brings it up. It's been 8 years.

I would not have picked up the "tootsie roll" on the preschool classroom floor with my bare hand. Yup, it was poop.

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