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The Best Advice I Ever Received...

Posted: 2013-08-26 09:34 AM
It may be the motion of the ocean, but you cannot get to England in a Row Boat.

Best advice- never have sex with a crazy.

My Grandma always told me to rip off the first couple squares of toilet paper in a public bathroom. You never know who's touched it before you!

Never eat hot dogs at a baseball stadium until after the third inning.

You will have a better chance of getting a fresh "dog" than leftovers
from the previous game.

When taking shots take a deep breath before, and exhale after you take the shot. It will make it all easier!

My aunt told me to wear black panties under dresses and skirts whenever possible.

The idea is that if someone gets a peek, they can't make anything out.

My sister told me Beer before liquor, never been sicker. Liquor before beer,
you're in the clear.

Best advice came from my dad: On a road trip never pass up an opportunity to pee.

At my wedding shower my grandma told me "don't fart under the sheets"

"Write your own eulogy and then live up to it."

Never let the URGENT overshadow the IMPORTANT.

If you want to know what's she's going to be like 20 years from now...
look at her mother!

Don't sweat the petty things, and don't pet the sweaty things. - the wall of a
bathroom stall in a bar.

My dad said "never spit in the well, one day you might need to drink the water".

There's no such thing as bad weather, just poor choice in clothing.

Never make eye contact while eating a banana.

My mom told me "Couples that shower together, stay together!" 10 years later my husband and I are happily married and very clean.

My mother on sex... "It's just like buying a car. How do you know what you like if you don't test drive enough."

"Don't ever let anyone with bad eyebrows tell you anything about life."

In a strange town always go to the restaurant with a full parking lot.

My dad would say "Son, when you see a hot girl in a car just remember that her car door can hide a lot."

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