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I'd Like to Apologize...

Posted: 2013-10-15 09:52 AM
I'm sorry I left my swass on the bench at the gym.

I'm sorry I told my husband he is "just like a woman".

I crop dusted my husband and beautiful 9 month old daughter..... And blamed her.

I would like to apologize for projectile vommiting on my girlfriend because I
went out and got drunk on a Monday with my idiot friends.

I would like to apologize to the polite man in the elevator, for farting as I got
off on my floor.

Clogging my boyfriend's parent's toilet and telling them that the dog dropped
his chew toy in the toilet.

I want to apologize to my babysitter for asking her if she pooped my couch. I was over served & thought I was being the funny, young, cool mom. When actually I was just being obnoxious.

Luke I'm sorry I tricked you into telling me what you were going to get Kelsey
for her birthday so I could steal your idea and she loved it.

I Dutch oven-ed my girlfriend last night after a binge on chili dogs. I am sorry.

I need to apologize to my daughter again because on Friday morning I was doing laundry and making her lunch for school. Long story short she ended up with her dad's underwear in her lunchbox.

I'm sorry I said I loved you so I could get a free tattoo.

This morning while stopped at a stop sign I let an elderly lady cross the street in front of me and she gave me the dirtiest look, so I proceeded to open my window and yell "you ungrateful old hag bitch" I feel bad now... Kinda, she was just old.

I'm sorry I said I loved you so I could get a free tattoo.

I apologize to my husband for taking money from his wallet every morning while he sleeps.




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