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Why are you on the Naughty List?

Posted: 2013-12-19 09:01 AM
I sprinkle bird seed around my boss's really cool Mercedes do that birds crap
on it...

I backed my sister's 2012 Impala into a tree and then I parked it on the street. When she awoke the next morning she suspected a hit and run and I never told her.

I'd had a few drinks and I threw a cup of hot chocolate at a group of annoying middle schoolers and yelled Merry Christmas.

I have been casually seeing a guy who has a girlfriend. They live together and I go over there late at night, sneak in the basement and him and I have fun while she's sleeping directly above us.

My cat got into the dip I made for my holiday party. I served it to my friends anyway.

My parents gave me money and asked to support one of those Sarah McLaughlin homeless dogs... And I said I would but I bought a bunch of booze instead.

My 2 year old toddler twins we're eating Halloween candy and I snuck them sour Warheads, watched them freak out, and laughed my butt off!

I stole my roommates vibrator!! She won it at one of those party's about three weeks ago and its been sitting in the box in the kitchen counter ever since. Couldn't let a good vibrator go to waste any more!

This year my weekend job thinks I have had: pink eye twice, 4 family emergencies, the flu, and strep throat. In reality I went out too hard the night before.

I was at a party at my ex husband's house, so I secretly stuck a handful of shrimp cocktail down the heating vents. He still can't figure out why the house stinks!

I hooked up with this random guy one night, woke up the next morning and went to meet my boyfriend's parents for the fist time.

I'm naughty because I couldn't think of what to get my boyfriend of 13 months for Christmas so I just dumped him.

When I did the dreaded "reply all" instead of "reply"...for an email talking about how much I was dreading going to see my monster in law for the holidays.

My husband found out how much I owe to my credit cards.

I got drunk with the neighbor's college son. I thought I was in the backyard when I decided to pee on one of the plants in the living room. Needless to say, my wife found out and I'm still in the doghouse. I'm 30.

I zip tied my friend's lawn reindeer together to make them look like they're mating.

I watch porn on my phone while driving ..a lot.

I moved out all my stuff and filed for divorce , THEN told my husband.




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