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What message should we send to Big Karwowski's stolen iPad?

Posted: 2014-04-04 09:39 AM
"This device will self destruct in 15 seconds." Then give a countdown.

That shirt doesn't match your outfit today.

I use my iPad in the bathroom. I call it my "poop pad". Enjoy!

I see what you're doing and I know when you are asleep.

Hope you don't catch my viral meningitis.

This program is set up to take a screenshot of your face and email it to me so now I know what you look like.

I don't know who you are. I don't know what you want. If you are looking for ransom, I can tell you I don't have money. But what I do have are a very particular set of skills; skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you let my iPad go now, that'll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don't, I will look for you, I will find you, and I will hurt you.

You started off stealing my iPad but ended up stealing my heart.

My iPad is programmed to explode unless porn is activated within twenty four hour cycle.

I've got MERSA! How do ya like them apples? Enjoy my iPpad!

So how long did it take you this morning to get from Harwood Heights to O'Hare? Yeah, I am watching.

Me so horny.

Hey Bonehead.....YOU SUCK!!!!

Okay, let's make a deal. You return my iPad and I'll use my fancy radio connections to get you some Nickelback tickets.

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