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He Failed to Impress Me When He...

Posted: 2014-05-01 11:25 AM
When he asked the waiter to split the tab on a first date.

He failed to impress me when he's 45 years old and wearing an Aeropostale shirt.

When he couldn't handle cocktails and threw up on me after drinking four.
He failed to impress me when.... He said we were going back to "his place", a nice house with a boat and jet ski in driveway.... Only to find out he lived with his parents.

Couple of months after our break up, he sent me very explicit photos of him and other women, to prove he could still get other women.

He failed to impress me when he said he wanted to show me a photo album of his world travels, and as we were flipping through, there was a developed photograph of a close up of his penis. Obviously this was a ploy because he looked at me, grinned, and wiggled his eyebrows.

I failed to impress her when we went to donate blood and I started to cry and
passed out.

He failed to impress me when he tried to parallel park in the city...5 times
Unsuccessfully... and then we had to trade seats so I could take over and park
the car.

He failed to impress me when he showed me his self-proclaimed amazing artwork he created during his free time. It looked like an angry kindergartener had decorated every wall of his apartment.

When we were first dating, my husband thought he was cool smoking a cigar
blowing smoke rings until on the way home he puked out the car window...

When my boyfriend told me he could do a back flip and proceeded to show me and ended up kicking me in the face and broke my nose!!

My husband decided to surprise me by grooming his undercarriage and ended
up getting carried away and shaved his entire upper body.

When he pulled up to pick me up in a 1981 Thang (jeep like vehicle) with a wild boar skull mounted to the front of hood/radiator area. Honked Horn is
"la coocarocha" Had to be there.

When he let his dogs lick their tongues all over his face then proceeded to talk
intimately without cleaning, washing or wiping his face.

He failed to impress me when he made undercooked chicken and sauteed spinach for dinner- he thought spinach was a fancy side dish.

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